I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize