cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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