I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
