I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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