I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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