I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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