just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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