did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
