All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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