I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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