I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
