go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
