dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
