I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I need water and some morals
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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