update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
