1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
