don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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