what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Randomize
