Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i barfeds in our rink
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize