Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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