kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
