Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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