I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
