I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
