Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
