Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
