We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
