if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it hurts more in the daytime
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
