Old men and throwing up are my life now.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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