My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize