I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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