im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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