ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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