Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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