I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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