hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
