We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
