For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize