I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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