Pants 0. Shit 1.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
