shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
