sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
