Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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