id be glad to
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
