I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize