We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Let's get the cat blown out
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
