She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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