i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
