Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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