He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
