She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
