Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
