You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
