Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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