I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
