I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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