"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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