dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
