4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
tell your sister to shave her snatch
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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