The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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