when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize