he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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