I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
