So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
