I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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