My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
