I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
