Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
