Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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