I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize