I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
