i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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