Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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