I just cut my nipple shaving
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
