Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
