thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
