As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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