is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
