I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
