The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
