the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
